![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[ record scratch freeze frame dot mp3. it's just that he's thinking, really, of the wrong baudin — ]
In that plan, y'ever talk about it, or just hope you didn't miss a page?
In that plan, y'ever talk about it, or just hope you didn't miss a page?
[ the ashes of trevis are leagues away. a hard dot on a letter — ]
Yeah, well. People don't run on reason. [ to echo their previous discussion ] And there's only so many reasons elves run South.
[ this time, when he looks up, it's pointed. mouth taut. he isn't the only one being examined, here. ]
Yeah, well. People don't run on reason. [ to echo their previous discussion ] And there's only so many reasons elves run South.
[ this time, when he looks up, it's pointed. mouth taut. he isn't the only one being examined, here. ]
Everything here sounds completely fucking insane to him. Y'heard Abella.
Right, well—
Imagine you're a six and a half foot tall rifter elf. All you fucking care about is elves. You're probably assuming the city elves you're seeing are half-elves, a thing that actually exists where you come from, because they look so diminished to you. You've never experienced racial oppression in your entire life. When your people marry, they are physiologically altered such that they can only ever do it once. And a complete stranger, some mouthy human bitch you've never seen in your life, says she's your second wife.
( does that not sound uniquely mental. it feels uniquely mental, as a thing to say. )
But there are people here who were both at our wedding and probably heard me throwing him out of my house on the crystals, the likelihood of it never coming up is—
Slim. I think. You know, how lucky do I want to count on being? I've got one eye.
( then again, maybe all the things she's survived mean she is super lucky? that lucky? )
Imagine you're a six and a half foot tall rifter elf. All you fucking care about is elves. You're probably assuming the city elves you're seeing are half-elves, a thing that actually exists where you come from, because they look so diminished to you. You've never experienced racial oppression in your entire life. When your people marry, they are physiologically altered such that they can only ever do it once. And a complete stranger, some mouthy human bitch you've never seen in your life, says she's your second wife.
( does that not sound uniquely mental. it feels uniquely mental, as a thing to say. )
But there are people here who were both at our wedding and probably heard me throwing him out of my house on the crystals, the likelihood of it never coming up is—
Slim. I think. You know, how lucky do I want to count on being? I've got one eye.
( then again, maybe all the things she's survived mean she is super lucky? that lucky? )
Maybe, (Gela concedes, and lets go of the fence to wring her hands nervously. She turns on the ball of her foot and takes a step away, then turns and comes back. She has always thought of Cedric as very reasonable person, calm and kind, and so she should believe him. It wasn't terrible. She was standing up for a friend.)
We aren't close. Outside of the job I haven't spoken with him much at all... (but I want him to like me sounds pathetic in her head, so she doesn't let it leave her mouth. And why does she want him to like her anyway, because she thinks that if he doesn't he'll have her sent away? He can't do that no more than anybody here could, really. She pauses for a moment, considering this.
Truthfully,) I'd prefer to get along with my colleagues. But I'm not going to sit around and listen to them be cruel about other people in Riftwatch for little reason.
We aren't close. Outside of the job I haven't spoken with him much at all... (but I want him to like me sounds pathetic in her head, so she doesn't let it leave her mouth. And why does she want him to like her anyway, because she thinks that if he doesn't he'll have her sent away? He can't do that no more than anybody here could, really. She pauses for a moment, considering this.
Truthfully,) I'd prefer to get along with my colleagues. But I'm not going to sit around and listen to them be cruel about other people in Riftwatch for little reason.
[ there are about ten or twelve different things here he needs to pause on (six-six? his dick's broken? gwen's the one who got married?) — ]
( that explosive sigh— )
Not— good.
( perhaps even bad. )
It was a mess, and I didn't exactly cover myself in glory.
( and she's known since he arrived that she's going to have to address it, but it's so large a thing to address, besides how fucking enormous he is, )
He was among the first people I knew in Skyhold. Not much of his life, but a great deal of mine. The last conversation we had was...civil. Complicated. And then I don't even know when after he departed, exactly. I know I have to say something.
( hey you're a diplomat and not someone she's currently fucking, any ideas— )
Not— good.
( perhaps even bad. )
It was a mess, and I didn't exactly cover myself in glory.
( and she's known since he arrived that she's going to have to address it, but it's so large a thing to address, besides how fucking enormous he is, )
He was among the first people I knew in Skyhold. Not much of his life, but a great deal of mine. The last conversation we had was...civil. Complicated. And then I don't even know when after he departed, exactly. I know I have to say something.
( hey you're a diplomat and not someone she's currently fucking, any ideas— )
[ That catches Byerly flat-footed. His physical reaction to it is subtle: eyes narrowing for just a split second as he tries to understand and fails. Then he returns to his prior drill serenity. ]
Elves? Not sure I follow, dear fellow.
[ And then the thought occurs to him, and he tilts his head, studying Cedric’s face. ]
Elves? Not sure I follow, dear fellow.
[ And then the thought occurs to him, and he tilts his head, studying Cedric’s face. ]
'M not ashamed of my family,
[ repeated. impossible to divine where blood slopes for blood. takes after his father, the old joke, but it's his uncle's nose; his mother's high bones, grandfather's hair. stretched a little broad, set a little square.
perhaps, in some dismal southern castle, he'd spy another byerly.
cedric drops the stare, at last, to write. ink spots, spreads beyond the edge of a rune. ]
And I'm not bringing them back there.
[ repeated. impossible to divine where blood slopes for blood. takes after his father, the old joke, but it's his uncle's nose; his mother's high bones, grandfather's hair. stretched a little broad, set a little square.
perhaps, in some dismal southern castle, he'd spy another byerly.
cedric drops the stare, at last, to write. ink spots, spreads beyond the edge of a rune. ]
And I'm not bringing them back there.
[ There's a sharpness in Byerly's manner, now - less unpleasant in its way than his prior oppressive drollness. A focus in his eye. ]
Are you saying you're elf-blooded?
[ If he's wrong, he's probably going to get socked in the jaw. He braces himself for it. Templars have heavy fists, no doubt. ]
Are you saying you're elf-blooded?
[ If he's wrong, he's probably going to get socked in the jaw. He braces himself for it. Templars have heavy fists, no doubt. ]
That gonna be a problem?
[ it's even, not mild. he moves down a line (drops a word) ]
[ it's even, not mild. he moves down a line (drops a word) ]
Hm.
[ Far from it, it seems; Byerly almost immediately stops being so fucking weird. His slouch becomes more comfortable and less disrespectful; his jeering smile normalizes into an ordinary expression of attention.
Because: an eely man who has the background of a warrior but who aims to please, who dodges questions and says what he thinks someone wants to hear rather than what he believes - that's suspicious. Unless the people-pleasing is a way you've devised to avoid getting your teeth bashed in by people who don't like the thing you are. ]
I imagine it's nearly always a problem for you. So I imagine that, yes, it will be a problem going forward, as well. But not one I intend to exacerbate.
[ He tilts his head. ]
Is this a secret? "Not ashamed" can sometimes mean "not afraid of trouble," but not always.
[ Far from it, it seems; Byerly almost immediately stops being so fucking weird. His slouch becomes more comfortable and less disrespectful; his jeering smile normalizes into an ordinary expression of attention.
Because: an eely man who has the background of a warrior but who aims to please, who dodges questions and says what he thinks someone wants to hear rather than what he believes - that's suspicious. Unless the people-pleasing is a way you've devised to avoid getting your teeth bashed in by people who don't like the thing you are. ]
I imagine it's nearly always a problem for you. So I imagine that, yes, it will be a problem going forward, as well. But not one I intend to exacerbate.
[ He tilts his head. ]
Is this a secret? "Not ashamed" can sometimes mean "not afraid of trouble," but not always.
[ a sluggish pulse in his chest: there's no true grace in telling someone you don’t mean to knife them. plenty like to hold it so. rutyer doesn't intend to exacerbate this, how fucking generous. ]
No. So if a secret's what you’re after, what's gonna make you feel big — then my favourite colour's blue, when I was sixteen I broke the hand off a statue, and I'd take it a kindness if you did the work you signed to.
[ a tight gesture to the page. ]
No. So if a secret's what you’re after, what's gonna make you feel big — then my favourite colour's blue, when I was sixteen I broke the hand off a statue, and I'd take it a kindness if you did the work you signed to.
[ a tight gesture to the page. ]
Too busy figuring out how t'get back off the roof.
[ it's a decent draft, modeled after past letters — in places, a touch too closely, should the countess review her prior correspondence with riftwatch. this and that line could do with some rephrasing, and of course, by now the paper's a loss. ]
[ it's a decent draft, modeled after past letters — in places, a touch too closely, should the countess review her prior correspondence with riftwatch. this and that line could do with some rephrasing, and of course, by now the paper's a loss. ]
Edited 2024-07-18 21:23 (UTC)
In the yard. Nearest foothold from th'edge.
[ revered mother renata had weak wrists. he wipes a bead of brackish sweat from hand, ink mingling for salt. attentive to the revisions: been near six months, but half that spent hauling stone, chatting up the guard. he's new to this. ]
This really what you wanna be doing?
[ there are four divisions, there are jobs beyond the walls. everyone does a bit of everything, these days; rutyer's got options. ]
[ revered mother renata had weak wrists. he wipes a bead of brackish sweat from hand, ink mingling for salt. attentive to the revisions: been near six months, but half that spent hauling stone, chatting up the guard. he's new to this. ]
This really what you wanna be doing?
[ there are four divisions, there are jobs beyond the walls. everyone does a bit of everything, these days; rutyer's got options. ]
You fucked off half the division yesterday. And it was pulling teeth getting you t'help with this little thing —
[ not the mark of greatness. rutyer's obviously capable, it's as obvious that he isn't trying. ]
— 'M not saying you can't do it. Just seems clear you don't care to.
[ no one's useless: research and scouting need scribes and connections, forces can teach anyone to pitch a tent, string a bow. there are other people rutyer could be. ]
[ not the mark of greatness. rutyer's obviously capable, it's as obvious that he isn't trying. ]
— 'M not saying you can't do it. Just seems clear you don't care to.
[ no one's useless: research and scouting need scribes and connections, forces can teach anyone to pitch a tent, string a bow. there are other people rutyer could be. ]
[ The faint slant of a smile: Wonders how Clarisse'd take half the company protective of her. Cedric slouches his weight to the other hip. Cuirass bumps against wood, the corner scraping at the last of dry winter lichen. ]
Then you know you did the right thing. 'S just the difference between knowing and feeling. Just worth knowing, too,
[ Cedric considers, ]
Just worth knowing you were there in good faith. He wasn't. You and Benedict didn't agree, but reckon it didn't feel quite like this.
Then you know you did the right thing. 'S just the difference between knowing and feeling. Just worth knowing, too,
[ Cedric considers, ]
Just worth knowing you were there in good faith. He wasn't. You and Benedict didn't agree, but reckon it didn't feel quite like this.
You do,
[ he agrees. it takes a moment to pull the words out (half waiting for permission, to see she wants ideas and not shared misery,)
but he does. after a while, he does. ]
Beyond the elves, and the first wife, and the wedding, and the — however it ended, y'were close. For a long time. Plenty of small things in that. Normal ones, ones might even seem normal to him. Some breakfast together, some stupid joke he told. Sunrise you watched. Whenever it was when you looked over at him and thought: yeah, this 's good.
That's a kind thing to share. Hard one, maybe, when 's been gone. But making it a story makes it... separate. Someone else. Lets whatever it was then, be whatever 's gotta be now.
[ when they're both other people ]
[ he agrees. it takes a moment to pull the words out (half waiting for permission, to see she wants ideas and not shared misery,)
but he does. after a while, he does. ]
Beyond the elves, and the first wife, and the wedding, and the — however it ended, y'were close. For a long time. Plenty of small things in that. Normal ones, ones might even seem normal to him. Some breakfast together, some stupid joke he told. Sunrise you watched. Whenever it was when you looked over at him and thought: yeah, this 's good.
That's a kind thing to share. Hard one, maybe, when 's been gone. But making it a story makes it... separate. Someone else. Lets whatever it was then, be whatever 's gotta be now.
[ when they're both other people ]
Edited 2024-07-19 03:08 (UTC)
( ... it's pretty good advice. and it's a box of memories that she has tried to leave closed, but the further she'd got from her hurt and her anger, the more willing she's been to allow herself to see, maybe, that the end didn't ruin the rest.
she was unfair to him. maybe they were unfair to each other. but it was never all that. the betrayal she had felt, the way it had felt as if her whole world had come undone around her ears, that every good thing now was tainted— did it have to be? they had loved each other. and they had been friends. he had been one of her most important friends, once, before she imagined him being anything else. )
He was the first person who talked about my elfblood like it was a good thing.
she was unfair to him. maybe they were unfair to each other. but it was never all that. the betrayal she had felt, the way it had felt as if her whole world had come undone around her ears, that every good thing now was tainted— did it have to be? they had loved each other. and they had been friends. he had been one of her most important friends, once, before she imagined him being anything else. )
He was the first person who talked about my elfblood like it was a good thing.
Page 3 of 8