Too busy figuring out how t'get back off the roof.
[ it's a decent draft, modeled after past letters — in places, a touch too closely, should the countess review her prior correspondence with riftwatch. this and that line could do with some rephrasing, and of course, by now the paper's a loss. ]
[ Byerly easily, fluidly, begins the rewrite - catching those little bits of cliched phrasing, smoothing over the rougher patches. He's very good at this. This was, after all, his life for some years. ]
[ revered mother renata had weak wrists. he wipes a bead of brackish sweat from hand, ink mingling for salt. attentive to the revisions: been near six months, but half that spent hauling stone, chatting up the guard. he's new to this. ]
This really what you wanna be doing?
[ there are four divisions, there are jobs beyond the walls. everyone does a bit of everything, these days; rutyer's got options. ]
You fucked off half the division yesterday. And it was pulling teeth getting you t'help with this little thing —
[ not the mark of greatness. rutyer's obviously capable, it's as obvious that he isn't trying. ]
— 'M not saying you can't do it. Just seems clear you don't care to.
[ no one's useless: research and scouting need scribes and connections, forces can teach anyone to pitch a tent, string a bow. there are other people rutyer could be. ]
[ He blows out a sigh through his nose, and then says with a crooked smile: ]
To be completely clear: you’re encouraging me to abandon the duties at which I am particularly effective, simply because I do not enjoy them, at a time when the little girl who lives down the lane from me is spending her every waking moment trying to look beneath every rock she can find in case Mama’s under there?
[ He gestures with his cigarette. ]
I don’t think I’m going to spend too long thinking it over. But Maker bless you for being so concerned about my happiness.
[ you’re encouraging me to abandon the duties at which I am particularly effective, simply because I do not enjoy them,
is its own, guilty pang. but rutyer didn't swear oaths. ]
'M concerned when it starts getting on everyone else.
[ cedric rolls a wrist, flexes the fingers about his anchor loose. gela's right; they've all been strained. jayce stood in the surf, thunderstruck for something cedric hasn't grasped the full shape of. vega's faint admission, it was very loud, ]
[ rutyer swore so many fucking oaths, it's really gross ]
I also am concerned when it starts getting on everyone else.
[ An arched eyebrow. Wasn't the crux of the original argument around whether or not people had the right to snap at newcomers due to the stress they were under? But it's neither here nor there; he shakes his head, not wanting to settle back into that previous unsatisfying argument. Wanting to move instead into a new, better one. ]
I presume you're asking if I've spoken to anyone about my feelings on them. To which the answer is: I have a beloved who lends me his one good ear, though at times I prefer to whisper into the deaf one. Much less embarrassing.
Though it was bloody hard to tell the difference between him and that demon. Doesn't exactly speak of someone who's ever going to be particularly knowable.
As you were saying all that to me - why continue to do the job if you despise it, all that - I wonder what was going through your head. I wonder if you were thinking about your own obligations.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ it's a decent draft, modeled after past letters — in places, a touch too closely, should the countess review her prior correspondence with riftwatch. this and that line could do with some rephrasing, and of course, by now the paper's a loss. ]
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[ Byerly easily, fluidly, begins the rewrite - catching those little bits of cliched phrasing, smoothing over the rougher patches. He's very good at this. This was, after all, his life for some years. ]
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[ revered mother renata had weak wrists. he wipes a bead of brackish sweat from hand, ink mingling for salt. attentive to the revisions: been near six months, but half that spent hauling stone, chatting up the guard. he's new to this. ]
This really what you wanna be doing?
[ there are four divisions, there are jobs beyond the walls. everyone does a bit of everything, these days; rutyer's got options. ]
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What else could I do? I'm a rather useless man.
[ No shame in that. It's practiced and light. ]
But I'm very good at this.
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[ not the mark of greatness. rutyer's obviously capable, it's as obvious that he isn't trying. ]
— 'M not saying you can't do it. Just seems clear you don't care to.
[ no one's useless: research and scouting need scribes and connections, forces can teach anyone to pitch a tent, string a bow. there are other people rutyer could be. ]
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[ He doesn't seem particularly offended by the implications. ]
You should stay like this.
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doesn't matter, rutyer changes the subject any time it flips to him. some conversations you can only have in parallel. ]
Think on it. That's all.
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To be completely clear: you’re encouraging me to abandon the duties at which I am particularly effective, simply because I do not enjoy them, at a time when the little girl who lives down the lane from me is spending her every waking moment trying to look beneath every rock she can find in case Mama’s under there?
[ He gestures with his cigarette. ]
I don’t think I’m going to spend too long thinking it over. But Maker bless you for being so concerned about my happiness.
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is its own, guilty pang. but rutyer didn't swear oaths. ]
'M concerned when it starts getting on everyone else.
[ cedric rolls a wrist, flexes the fingers about his anchor loose. gela's right; they've all been strained. jayce stood in the surf, thunderstruck for something cedric hasn't grasped the full shape of. vega's faint admission, it was very loud, ]
You talk to anyone? About the attacks.
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I also am concerned when it starts getting on everyone else.
[ An arched eyebrow. Wasn't the crux of the original argument around whether or not people had the right to snap at newcomers due to the stress they were under? But it's neither here nor there; he shakes his head, not wanting to settle back into that previous unsatisfying argument. Wanting to move instead into a new, better one. ]
I presume you're asking if I've spoken to anyone about my feelings on them. To which the answer is: I have a beloved who lends me his one good ear, though at times I prefer to whisper into the deaf one. Much less embarrassing.
Do you have anyone to speak to?
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[ patient. thoughtful. and as equipped as anyone here to discuss their particular relationship to death —
he lets the argument lie. by now, point's made or it's not. if rutyer cares to mend those fences, it's him's got to do it. he rubs a knuckle. ]
But we're not so close. Reckon that's easier, maybe. [ much less embarrassing ] Some shit you don't wanna drag home.
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[ By purses his lips in consideration of Vanya. ]
Though it was bloody hard to tell the difference between him and that demon. Doesn't exactly speak of someone who's ever going to be particularly knowable.
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Well, he's not gonna give you a reaction.
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[ the jerk of his chin: the gallows. a fucking horror show. ]
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How old are you, exactly?
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[ alright, so rutyer can do math, ]
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[ He considers Cedric a moment. ]
As you were saying all that to me - why continue to do the job if you despise it, all that - I wonder what was going through your head. I wonder if you were thinking about your own obligations.
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[ simple, unequivocal. he's gamed it out before. ]
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